he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
