Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
