Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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