those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
