If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
