About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think i got beer on your cat.
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