i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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