Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
