she woke up with a sticky ear
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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