so explain again why im purple
no
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
