Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
