The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
