I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
