If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
