i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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