were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
