lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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