I'm gonna have a badass scar
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
