We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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