Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
