you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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