So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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