Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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