i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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