i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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