your room smells of hookers.
And success
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
