Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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