I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
