There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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