just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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