I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
