I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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