He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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