Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you still have your period?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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