there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
