I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
