Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
