saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
