I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sober January is a disaster.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
