apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
