tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
