Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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