i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
