So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
