it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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