i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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