I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
