Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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