Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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