I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
