we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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